Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
