He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
