My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
