either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Come on in and take your pants off
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