i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
