I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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