Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
