uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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