I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
