don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
