you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
