i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
We're too hungover to prance.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
