I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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