can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
