so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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