just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
