shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
