in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
he had hair everywhere except his balls
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
