Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
