If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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