woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
