I'm going to rape someone's good day.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
