So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
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Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
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it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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