I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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