i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
