her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
