god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
