I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
