shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
