She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize