My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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