My friends, they love my intelligence
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
