if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
