Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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