i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
