I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
