There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high