My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles