I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Lo siento on account of my penis...