That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.