I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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