im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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