I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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