I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
