foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
