Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
