somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
