wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
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I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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