i jhust puked up my retainher.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
