dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
