We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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