I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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