Dual....:-)
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
