Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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