you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
