I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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