standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
