No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I want her autograph on my taint
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
