isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
