He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
