He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
