the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
