So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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