Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
