Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
