Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
she pinky promised me she was 18
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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