i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Two words: nipple clamps
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