Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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